Making Space

Searching.
breathing.
feeling.
living in it.
loving all of it.

today someone made me feel like I wasn’t enough. It can arrive in the simplest form…and not very many words were spoken, but it was enough to affect me for the entirety of the day…obviously still does now. 

I cannot please everyone, nor do I want to…but i’m curious why I continue to strive to. I wonder why I cannot just let go of the fear of someone judging me, of how i’m perceived, of how I talk, or look, or teach. I think because I want so badly to be inspiring, and looked up to it truly hurts my ego when I’m clearly not. And I understand now that it is because I cannot see myself. 

Self love is truly hard to come by. To wash away the opinion of others simply because you didn’t happen to be their cup of tea is imaginably difficult for anyone. I want to be loved, I want to be remembered, I want to be strong, and beautiful and wise, I want to be knowledgeable and understanding, sympathetic and kind. I want to be all these things and I continually strive to be them….maybe that’s why it hurts so much when someone doesn’t see you the way you want to be seen.

When we begin, our intentions may be self centered; we come to the mat to find ourselves, to discover our intentions, to challenge our bodies and open our souls. What we don’t realize is that when we arrive, we arrive at a place where others have come to search as well. We breathe together as we bend together, and at the end of it all, we’ve shared our breath, our energy, and our intention. We live within our own world, but we need others to help us get there. One is greater than many, and when we become one, we share everything we are, our greatest fears, our purest joy, our deepest heartbreak, our most unforgettable moments, and our most vulnerable self. 

what a beautiful life this is. 

May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young.

—Bob Dylan

May I never forget, how my past brought me to my future.

Thank you…for setting my soul on fire. Thank you for the amazing opportunities, the unforgettable friends, the doubts, the wins, the tears/fears, the laughs/memories, the incredible highs and incredible lows, and the most incredible experience that I still have not yet found the words to describe. Thank you creating this, so that I could be a part of it.  It was all just…BEAUTIFUL. 

I will always treasure this journey, and I will never forget it. Thank you, for changing my life and inspiring me beyond the possibilities I imagined for myself. 

MAD LOVE to A & T- you will never know just how much you’ve done for me. 

It may not be everything you want it to be when you first start out…but it can manifest into something truly remarkable. 

We convened together in our last weeks together as a teacher training group. The workshop helped us get into the business side of yoga, and the effort it takes to do something you truly love. What it means to light that fire under your ass and to do it because you love it, because nothing else would make it that worthwhile. We talked about what it meant to put yourself out there, to surround yourself in that community and to be a part of it so that you can build and grow your experience as a teacher and as a student. 

You have to be a part of the little stuff, so that you can be a part of the big stuff. 

I thought of my mom today. How she lit her own flame and didn’t let it burn out. She put herself out there with her poetry, she submitted her work into contests, continuously attended open mic’s, did workshops, went on a retreat, and searched for teachers. Her tiny flame has grown itself to a roaring fire and it’s taking her many years, but a never ending effort. I am inspired, and hope I can build my light like she built hers. 

it’s the adventure, the journey, the road, the unknown, the unforeseen, and the unexpected.

Do something you never dared, because you will surprise yourself, never stop dreaming, and never take yourself too seriously. Listen to your gut instead of listening to others. Make the choices you want for yourself, not because others have made them for you. Trust yourself, love yourself, take care of your soul. That is the only way to live your life to the fullest. Imagine that you will do many things in life, some of which you desire in the present moment and others which you never would have expected. Surprise yourself, challenge yourself and allow yourself to grow. Love your life, and the people that have walked through it. 

It’s already halfway through our teacher training. There is a part of me that is sadly awaiting when it all comes to an end. There are only 4 more weeks left and I don’t want to stop, I felt as if my breakthrough came too late in the game. I’ve discovered my place and my deeper meaning of how I want to teach, what this has meant to me and my personal life, how I want to live, and how I want to learn. The discovery I understand will never stay the same and continue to evolve, but for now, I love where I am, and wish it could stay just awhile longer. 

It had been awhile since I last talked to my mother. Our schedules are busy and we kept missing each other. Today however, we were finally able to connect. I remembered the last time we had talked a good friend of hers was diagnosed with multiple brain tumors, when I asked her how he was holding up she reported that he had passed away quite recently. 

My reaction took not only me by surprise, but by my mother as well. I couldn’t stop the tears and a deep emotion sprung out of me like he had been my friend too. 

Carlos, not someone I had gotten to know very well, he probably wouldn’t even recognize who I was unless I was standing beside my mother. But he had a such a beautiful presence that was captivating and warm. Out of all the friends my mother has made over the years, he was one of my favorites. I realized that my reaction was so strong due to the fact that I remembered what kind of friend he had been to my mother. It is surprising that someone you hardly know, can leave such a deep impact. I only hope that I make as similar of an impression on someone random as Carlos did on me. 

What a blessing to have someone like that walk through your life. 

Arriving at week 4 for our teacher training I am blown away at how far we have all come individually and collectively as a group. The nerves have passed and we’ve come into our own. Our voices now matching our practice and confidence is rising when only a few weeks ago we seemed so lost. 

It really is a challenge to put yourself in unfamiliar territory. But when we are given the opportunity, we get to see what we are really made of. When we are shoved out of our comfort zones we are forced to reach deep within and find a hidden strength that rarely arises, but that is absolutely a part of us. When you truly want to master something, you will. 

I had such a difficult time in the beginning getting over my fear of speaking in front of the group. Public speaking is something I was always never good at, but something I was never afraid of getting over. There is something about getting over yourself, where at some point you just get sick and tired of feeling the way you do. I just got sick and tired of stressing out, feeling butterflies, and not trusting myself enough. One day I woke up and I was done tricking myself that I wasn’t enough for it all. I realize now that I am, I’m right where I need to be, and I am all the things I wish to be.